Perhaps it's me - I am 48 now and no longer hip, or perhaps the expectations have changed? I totally get the busy lives we lead and not having any time to actually go somewhere to meet people and online dating is just another way to meet... however, HOW are single people - young and old - navigating this madness that is online dating these days? I have been on Tinder, Match, Bumble, Zoosk, Vegan, eharmony, OurTime, FOF, AND have tried SpeedDating - I am not saying it's impossible to find the love of your life online (one of my BFFs met her husband that way), but the anonymity seems to bring out the creepy and crazy in many people!
También estoy de acuerdo en que es mejor estar sola que mal acompañada, pero no quiero estar sola: me gusta compartir, me gusta tener una pareja y no creo que mi corazón esté realmente muerto aunque mi mis amores se hayan terminado.
My #DateFails have been numerous; some funny and others just infuriating. This is in part the reason why I started my blog, to write about it all! and why shouldn't we be able to share the horror stories! Like the #Student I met who asked me if he could move in because he needed a place, or the #DUIGuy who asked if we could met in the town where he lived, which prompted me to ask if he had a DWI. Those stories!
There was the #BoatGuy recently who really wanted to meet me and told me he has a boat in some fancy dock somewhere, a prestigious area he noted. He stood me up. Perhaps his ego was hurt when I texted back and told him I am not easily impressed by possessions such a boat. There seems to be a fine line - it seems that at my age, we are all broken in some way or another. I certainly don't look like I did in my 20s nor does my body feel like it did in my 20s! I struggle with maintaining my weight, my energy, my focus, and balancing my career, being a mom AND being a single woman doesn't always seem to flow so easily - at least from my perspective! people ask me how I am making it - I am not! I just go along most days with the schedule, sometimes I arrive to an appointment a week ahead, others a week late! I try.
I am getting used to paying my own bills after not handling finances for what seems an eternity - everything was in the ex-husband's name, which has presented a bunch of other problems: "you don't exist" I was told by a loan officer when I sought a car loan. Interesting, because I see me! I did eventually get a car loan. Mowing the lawn, remembering to register and inspect my car, changing the oil - all those things I haven't done in so long. Not because I did not know how, but isn't that what marriage is about? sharing? I did other things, or so I thought, like clean the house, organize family gatherings, schedule the family photo shoots, that stuff. Pero esas cosas aveces no son valoradas y la gente cambia. Pero no importa, me e quedado con lo mejor de mi ex: una hija que es el amor de mi vida, my sunshine, my mini me. And life goes one...
BUT I am still a person, and let's be real, I don't think I am ready to give up on having sex all together just yet! I think I have a few more year before everything really breaks down complete! So back to the "how do I meet a potential partner," a boyfriend, whatever people call it these days when I have no time! Online dating. And round and round I go.
There was the #PaceMakerHacker - he was a few years younger than me and was a professional hacker (yes, it is a real profession as we know, especially in this technology age), who had a long term restraining order against him. He said he could not see his five (that's 5) children for the next 2 years. He told me he had a pace maker, "do you want to touch it? here, touch it" - reluctantly I touched the small box that was near his heart and under his skin. It was all too much to take in, and I politely said goodnight and we parted ways. I never even texted to say thank you; at that point there was not much more to say.
Has love gone out the door? is it no longer in style? do we just accept mediocre and go with it? do we settle instead of continuing to search for that one person who will be damaged just like us but is willing to take the baggage and share it instead of throw it at us?
I for one am not ready to give up, although I keep wondering if this is all a waste of time in the end... none of us is perfect but couldnt people just be "normal" and stop acting like idiots? men say they want to find someone yet they act like teenage boys, I hear it is just as bad from their end, and the same for the gays and trans folks. Why when it comes to love we have such a hard time finding the one? and would we even know if we found the one after all these debacles?
I don't know, and maybe I am getting a bit to cynical for it all. I do know that I met a guy who lit up my heart like it has never lit up before - don't get me wrong I have had crushes on professors before, and lusted after good looking guys but this was different. It was the first time I had gone on a real date because I usually do coffee when meeting someone for the first time. We went to see Phantom of the Opera at Proctor's. I remember the exact moment we said hello because his smile made my heart go on fire. It was also the most awckward date in my opinion, my tongue was tied, I kept asking if he was okay, and he did the same. My heart was pounding in my chest the whole time we sat watching the play and I wondered if he could hear it.
My #PhantomMan - is this what love is supposed to be like? “Did my heart love till now? Forswear it, sight, for I ne'er saw true beauty till this night.” yeah, Romeo and Juliet, a tragedy... just like my love life...